Frustrations and projects

Peace Corps will challenge you, push you, break you down and will not let up.  Day in and day out there is no escaping the unfamiliarity, the difficulties and barriers of language and culture, the tough times soon become normal and expected and part of daily life.  There are other times where a simple smile can make your day or just small chat with someone can make you feel part of the community.  Most of the time the small things matter more because they keep you sane and make you feel human. Yet with the long stretches of feeling unproductive leaves you questioning why you are here, what you are doing wrong and how you can if possible fix it.

With the parents and students of the community

Lately I have been questioning the reasons for my host organization to have a volunteer.  I try to work with people, to help where needed and be part of a team.  I am looking to gather resources where previously none were thought to exist.  Everything I do, is met with somewhat of a resistance and more importantly a lack of support.  This bothers me.  I will not be successful here is there is a lack of support and coordination of efforts.  I have no problem doing things by myself and getting things done on a personal agenda, but this is not anywhere close to the goals of Peace Corps or ideas of sustainability, plus I am not here for what I want to do in communities, I am here to help them achieve their goals and the goals of my host agency.  How can I give assistance to people who claim they want assistance but then when it is time to work say that they cannot?

In the current school talking about the potential for a new bottle school

With this bottle school project thus far people seem to be on board, and have been supportive when I introduced the idea of a bottle school. The municipality wants to build a school but cannot as they are limited by resources and funding.  As I have introduced this way to gather resources with community buy in and by collaborating with other communities, people seem to be jumping ship.  Why I ask myself.  I have heard lately from my mayor, my counterpart and other staff in the office that it is 1.)Election season and we are focusing on that.  2.)Bottles can’t be put in walls and be safe (hence the trip to see an actual completed project) 3.)We don’t have the time right now 4.)We can do that tomorrow, tomorrow, tomorrow etc.  5.) There is no transportation. 6.) You do it you are the expert. And the worst, that it seems to be too much work.  

Visiting a completed bottle project in Todos Santos.

I know I cannot do this by myself, and I am going to have to talk to people and ask them for their input and support, but along comes the Guatemalan culture of saying yes to everything and then cancelling at the last minute.  So who knows what will be reality.  I will go in and ask if this is a project that they really want to do and if so, that I will need the support and effort of a team to accomplish this.  Will that be the case?  Only time will tell.    

States and One Year in Country

Ok ok I apologize for anyone who has been checking my blog lately and has not found anything until today.  I made a conscious decision not to buy internet for a long time to see what it was like to be disconnected and not have everything at my fingertips.  Im back though.... so here goes.

As of August 11^th I have been in Guatemala for a whole year.  Lots of good things have happened in the last year I will admit.  Through all the struggles ups downs and everything that Peace Corps can throw at you I am in a good place right now.

Last month I was lucky enough to head back home for a little break to see family and friends up in New Hampshire.  Seeing my family was great but I was a little nervous about coming home as many PCVs will tell you that your first trip home is a crazy emotional ride.  Some people go back and decide that once home, they are going to not come back.  For some it is especially tough because just as things are becoming second nature like taking bucket baths, eating typical Guatemalan cuisine, doing laundry by hand, drying it outside and the bugs and rain...the list goes on.  Going home, you go back to what life was once like, see what home life is and then realize how easy things are and have a moment where it is like ‘I can stay here.’  I can tell you from my experience the toughest part was saying bye to family and knowing the night before I did my laundry in 30 minutes. I just remember throwing clothes in the dryer and with a bounce sheet and knowing everything will take care of itself with the push of a button. I wouldn’t need to hang and dry clothes outside and keep an eye on the weather or switch the clothes so both sides dry.  But writing this today, I will admit I enjoy doing my laundry now, it gives me time to talk to my host family, do some reflective thinking and while I might grumble under my breath a few times that there are no buttons to push, it does allows me to appreciate everything around me. 

View from the dock at Squam Lake

Work has been going a lot better lately.  Coming back from the states and talking to family and enjoying my time away from everything, I was able to put things into perspective. I was trying to make everyone my friend and not infringe on peoples toes, ways of life and culture.  I do not know if it is possible but I felt like I was too respectful and which did not allow me to push for what I wanted to do or demand things that I wanted to achieve.  Peace Corps is tricky in this aspect as they tell you to be change agents.  So the question posed is how can you be a change agent and do things in a respectful way?  There is a major push and pull and for everyone they find that out at different times of their service.  Some people have very supportive organizations and counterparts; others have harder times and feel like they do nothing.  Personally I am in between that where there are days were I am led to believe I am doing something to only feel that there is no one behind me or helping me do the things my program and what I personally set out to do.  So when I came back, I sat down and told everyone in my office that I was here to be productive, that I am here as a resource and that I will, if I have to, look for other support and people to work for if I do not feel things are getting done.  Telling them that I was not there to be a figure, but more of a worker people started to understand.  But saying and doing are totally different as we all know.  So the next two weeks, I began planning things, writing proposals and requesting to have meetings and training and people now understand what I want to do.  This is going well but has met some resistance from people as it is election season and efforts are focused in other areas.  Sometimes I just need to argue my case and do so in a more directed manner but things are getting done. 

We will see where the next few weeks go and Ill report back on what is happening!  Hope everything is well with everyone and summer is treating you well! More pictures to come!