Familiarity

I recently wrote in my journal the other day reflecting on how things have gone in Guatemala.  I usually reserve journal entries for more personal reflections and more unguarded thoughts, feelings and ideas. 

Oct 4^th 2011,

-There was a moment last night when I was walking down the street by myself.  I was heading to my sitemates house and while walking I was just aware of my surroundings.  Many times people walk and they are in a hurry, thinking about the next thing they have to do, worried about something they have yet to do or just simply being preoccupied with some external thing.  Maybe this experience was just at that moment being in that moment, being fully in the present.  I simply felt comfortable, I felt at ease.  Here I am in this completely different culture, surrounded by a different language, thoughts, logics and way of life and here I am comfortable.  Now it’s a familiar culture, a familiar language, a familiar place.

There was a cool breeze whipping up the fog that was gathering on the brick laid streets and the smell of the rain still fresh.  I smelt earth: dirt, plants, and simply life.  A smoky trace to the newly cooled humid air fused by the wood burning stoves enlightened my experience as it was a mix of worlds combining; one being on the east coast in cooler seasons and the other in the tropical island of Guam at the same time.  Interesting how the past comes back.  But with the new mix of places lived, places visited, I felt at home.  I was, well…I can’t explain. I was comfortable, but that’s not all.  I was at peace, calm, relaxed and just…..it was something I’ll remember a long time.  It was just walking down the street, having people great you, a familiar smile and hand wave, but people also knowing who you are and you knowing them.  I realized there it was something greater than being a volunteer.  It was the feeling of belonging to something greater, knowing that I am part of a community not because I am there doing work and ‘giving’ to a community but knowing that the community was giving back and there was the relationship between one and the community. 

Guatemala has had its ups and downs, even its stalling moments.  It is hard to explain to anyone outside the bubble of this life.  Guatemalans won’t understand it and neither will most people stateside.  So how do I go about describing it? It’s such a personal solitary experience.  Maybe I don’t even understand fully. I do still have a year, and many RPCV’s say they still learn and appreciate things well after their time at post is over.  One thing is true thus far, it has taught me what is important to me, what I want out of life.  It is an endless journey but a journey worth traveling because each day comes with the expected anticipation of the unexpected.  I am here living in Guatemala.  Sure work is tough, frustrating, and sometimes seem even futile, but this is part of the journey and I am glad to be on this journey right now at this time in my life.  I know I belong here.