Decisions to be made!

Detailed in my last blog, there are numerous changes affecting Guatemala right now.  Within PC Guatemala, the Regional Director Carlos Torres has advised that the administration take the following steps:

1.)Relocate volunteers that are deemed to be living in ‘Unsafe areas.’ These unsafe areas are the departments of Huehuetenango (where my site is), San Marcos, Alta and Baja Verapaz, the Oriente (everything east of Guatemala City) and the coast.  Basically half of all volunteers are being evacuated from their sites and have the choice to relocate within Guatemala or go back to the states.

2.) Offer early COS to any and all volunteers regardless of time spent in country.  This measure is to decrease numbers of overall volunteer size.

3.) Have a transportation system to help with security and volunteer well being.  This means no more camionetas or renovated old discarded school busses.  Now PC Guatemala will have to provide us with private transportation to and from our destination on major highways and roads.

So where does this leave me?  I have until February 10^th to let PC know if I decide to come home or try to move sites and start again.  Going home is a very easy option.  I can return to the states, start the application to graduate schools and begin to plan what the next move career wise will be and how best I can give myself the opportunity to do so.  Or, I can stay here and explore the unexpected all over again.  The benefit of this unexpected is knowing what I know now.  With my Spanish being understandable, I will avoid most of the normal growing/learning pains of the new language.  I know where most things are, how the culture operates and have a little more confidence in what I am doing.  The downsides will be moving, doing the whole readjustment thing all over again, and meeting new people.  Do not get me wrong on the meeting new people.  I thoroughly enjoy meeting new people.  The fact is, meeting someone versus getting to know someone in a professional development aspect takes time, patience and certain situations to give you that crucial insight on how people react and what their tendencies are.  I have all these comforts here currently in Malacatancito.  I know who to go to for certain things and who to talk to about certain subjects or help.  I will have to take about 2-3 months in a new site before bearings are really set and the ability to working comfortable and confidently will set in.  This is the dilemma. 

Thomas, Nic, Justin and myself on top of Volcano Santa Maria.
This photo was taken just before a 6.1 earthquake hit!

On going home, it seems daunting right now because I do not have anything planned.  I still have goals for myself here within Guatemala.  One of those priorities is becoming fluent in Spanish, and accomplishing a few projects, something that is tangible and visible.  With more time being here in Guatemala can only help build on these experiences.  Either way, be it staying here in Guatemala or coming back home to the states both represent the unknown and both represent endless possibilities to whatever can happen. 

I am just distraught over the simple fact that I have made these connections here in my current town of Malacatancito.  I am just getting everything set to finish up my time in site with the culmination of projects that will show for all the hard work we have done.  What scares me is knowing the first 6 months in site here were tough, the toughest time in site as everything was new and the foundation was being set.  Back then, I knew I had time on my side and knew everything would pan out because I had two years ahead of me.  Now, in a new site, with new people, starting all over, what will I be able to do, telling people I only have 6 months to work with them?  This is where my conscience and thought process are analyzing and challenging my continuing.  The simple question is - in the 6 or so months I have remaining here in Guatemala, will I be able to accomplish substantial things such as projects that are designed and managed by the Guatemalans in such a short time period?  Or in those six months, can I find a job in the states or wherever and get more accomplished in that time period as I still set my sights on the future?  Timing is everything right?  Argggg…..

Visiting with Peace Corps Director Aaron Williams

I hope to be able to visit potential sites in the upcoming days that will grant me a little view into the workings of new sites and the people in them.  With that information I can only hope to make a decision and the go into it with all my heart, 110%. 

A recent moon rise in my town of Malacatancito

Changes in Guatemala

As of late, Peace Corps Guatemala and Peace Corps programs in Honduras and El Salvador have undergone some serious changes.  These changes have led PC Guatemala to ‘implement specific initiatives to ensure, to the maximum extent possible, that volunteers serving in Guatemala will do as safely as possible.’  But the question I have been asking myself lately is: At what point does the priority of safety and security for PCVs trump the overall effectiveness and purpose of our service?  As listed below are some of the new measures that will be implemented.

-- Decreasing the overall volunteer population by having certain programs close their service (COS) early.

--Clustering of volunteers which means to close certain regions of the country and relocated volunteers closer together in other sites deemed ‘safe’ by PC Washington and PC Guatemala.

      --Granted any volunteer regardless of time spent in Guatemala an early COS or chance to go back to the states with the benefits of completing the full two years.

Over the past week, I have gone through a whirlwind of emotions.   Measure two will take me out of my site here in Malacatancito Huehuetenango, where I have spent the last 16 months working and living.  Needless to say there have been struggles, successes, ups and downs, but all of these challenges and breakthroughs have shaped what I know to be Malacatancito.  I am just upset and extremely disappointed to know that I have to change sites and face the remaining 8 months working in a new community (that is if I choose to do so).  My immediate concerns were - I am expected to break ground in mid February for my bottle school - I have promised a community the hope of a better future -There are countless donors in the states that have donated their money and time and that I have other communities looking to develop and gain experience with project proposals and applications.  What now?  Am I supposed to abandon my friendships and my work that I have poured myself into these past 16 months?

I am upset and just worried about what will happen, what I will be allowed to do and what I can hopefully finish.  An All Volunteer Conference will be taking place tomorrow until Thursday.   Hopefully, we will receive more information about plans as a team from PC Washington and the regional director will be meeting with us over the course of the next three days to explain the current conundrum we are in. 

I have 8 months left according to my Peace Corps commitment and contract that we signed before we were sworn in as official Peace Corps Volunteers.  We are at the time of entering the country given a PC Handbook stating expectations and guidelines for all PCVs.  On the first page of the handbook is a famous quote about the Peace Corps by JFK immediately followed by the 10 core expectations for PCVs. Here are two that I seem to be thinking about as of late.

#4 Recognize that your successful and sustainable development work is based on the local trust and confidence you build by living in, and respectfully integrating yourself into, your host community and culture.

 #9 Recognize that you will be perceived, in your host country and community, as a representative of the people, cultures, values, and traditions of the United States of America. 

Since being in site, I have fully devoted myself to integration and doing my best to be respectful to all people by having conversations, offering a hand in whatever it may be, and most importantly, by being an active member of the community.  By abruptly leaving right now, with all the ground work for projects done, with the fruits of our labor and hard work almost attainable, I am leaving communities at their most hopeful and vulnerable times.  This then brings me back to expectations #4 and #9.  How by removing myself, will that trust and confidence be affected?  Forget the success, but that then leads right up to being how I will be perceived, or how Americans will be perceived for that matter in my town. 

The municipal development program has had a tough time so far.  We have had to face the end of an administration where works and plans are wrapping up, an election/campaign season and then lame duck municipalities that were not reelected and just waiting out their terms.  Now, finally, as we are working with newly elected administrations with no fear of looming elections, work gearing up, projects starting, support for us is strong, now, at this most ideal sought after chance, where we pinned our hopes during our most frustrating times, we have to leave and abandon that opportunity that we had waited so patiently for.  

So I am left with a lot of unanswered questions and what to do next.  Hopefully by the end of the week, after the meetings I will have a better understanding of the situation.  Until then...